Relationship disappointments led me down a path of sexual empowerment
All my life, I thought that becoming the best version of myself would get me into the romantic relationships that I would happily die for.
Yet a decade after achieving that in addition to being a successful therapist, I am dumbfounded by the steady flow of complicated, painful, overwhelming or unstimulating partnerships I have attracted into my life and gotten myself attached to. My luck cycled between partners who were very exciting but avoidant of emotional intimacy, partners who were reliable but lacked sexual tension, or partners who were attractive and committed but turned out anxiously controlling. With all the resources and knowledge under my belt, where did I screw up and why wasn’t I able to have a relationship that offers both safety and passion, consistently?
Defeated and contracted, my heart was restless and aching with longings, I had to go on a quest in search of an answer and solution to my conundrum.
This journey led me down years of deep dive therapies, including the reconciliation with my inner child and family trauma, a library of books on attachment and intimacy, and two years of training in advanced relational trauma therapy followed by a couple more years of somatic intimacy school.
Since I’m a believer in that psychological work is incomplete without spiritual work, I’ve gotten layers of ego brutally shed by plant medicine journeys, learned to rebalance my feminine and masculine energies in yoga and tantra, and embarked on many solo trips around the world meeting teachers who might have an answer for me including one with the revered Tantrika Margot Anand in an off the grid place in Poland. Relationally meanwhile, I embraced a few more heartbreaks (one of which nearly obliterated me), an engagement, a treacherous transitioning to CNM, and last but not least, a newfound heart-forward community and two godsend beautiful new loves.
No single experience on this long journey offered me a one-fix-for-all, but during the process, I have figured out A LOT.
I now viscerally understand what’s at the core of every human being’s desire - the many-faced need for attachment security and erotic aliveness - and how to create a strong container in our bodies and relationships to be able to access them while de-armouring the stubborn defences.
For the first time in my life, I have both safety and passion by my side, not by seeking it out externally, but rather by sourcing it internally. I cradled my desires like a precious child, I stood up against critical voices in my head and held stronger interpersonal boundaries, I attended to my body’s fear responses and released the emotions that were suppressed, I grew the capacity to hold vulnerabilities in relationships as sacred and worthy, I gave permission to let the river of grief run its course through me, I learned to discern my attraction to various kinds of love and made it a priority to not compromise the safety of my inner child for anyone’s affection.
Where this journey took me now, I found passion by training my heart to open again and set the truth free of who I am and what I want. Whilst living in alignment with my truth and authenticity, a seed of safety began to sprout in the new connections that I have found, humans with mutual values in intimacy who accepts me for being unmistakeably me.
Meet me online or in-person in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Are you ready to get started?
